October 26, 2012
Nostalgia 2.0 (itchy feet at nicholson street)

Old entry from April 2010, felt extremely fitting to post it now. So many recent events that are oddly similar and two and a half years later.

Perfectly depicts the ridiculously cyclical ebbs and flows of being 20 something.

Can’t stop laughing when I remember how old I thought I was and HOW MUCH OF A TEENAGER I ACTUALLY SOUND LIKE. How was I paying bills and rent and then writing this stuff?

******

It sometimes (very rarely, but sometimes) worries me about how irregularly I write. I always looked at dad’s diaries in his room with that sense of hopeless admiration, almost like I knew that I could never keep so many memories together. I’ve felt weird the past couple of days. It’s difficult to pinpoint it, like a sort of restlessness. Like I want to turn on something really loudly and go crazy. Instead I worry that I don’t have any song that I love enough to turn on loudly and lose it to. Strange how loneliness can creep up on you. I’m looking through this window, in this house in Carlton North, and I have no idea where any of the people that raised me are. Like they’re drifting from me, but if I called them they’d probably pick up the phone straight away. Stupid. Our house is in a weird stage. Like no-one can stand being around here too much. I don’t reflect on values all that often, the people I truly value. Connectedness and feeling like I don’t even know if I know what that word means. I feel like I know a lot of people, I’ve met them all in a short period of time and know them all, but at the end of a day like today, I feel as if I’m going to be forever on the outside. I want to stop thinking about whether there even is an inside, purely because that sounds like a giant fuck off cliche. Loneliness; don’t even know if that’s what I’m feeling. More like an odd sort of involved displacement. I should call Astrid tomorrow, haven’t spoken in a while. She’ll be thinking that I’m avoiding her, and seeing as we made a pact that we’ll start contacting more often, I should call her. Quick list of recent happenings of some importance:

1. I think I have a boyfriend (?) we talked about it and I guess that’s legit but I don’t really know.

2. I might leave uni early so I can focus on acting. Always have and always will. Might look at NIDA, watch this space.

3. New job. NOT IN HOSPO. Market research, I think that’s what they call a step backwards but fuck it, money.

4. I’m going to do this regularly now.

******

The next entry isn’t until December 31st, 2010 when my friends and I went down to the beach for new years. There’s pages and pages of ideas for a play that I wanted to write while at uni, notes from my classes at St Martins, a monologue from The Taming of the Shrew, Antigone’s “journey”, doodles from that market research job that made me insane, and another poem about a boy. Read it above.

4:37pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquV-FxrS
October 26, 2012
Nostalgia.

Spent an afternoon reading through old notebooks, realizing how much I didn’t know when I was 18-19-20. Realizing how much I wanted to know, how little I thought I would end up knowing three years down the track, and how much I can’t wait for the next chapter.

Here’s a poem that I wrote and gave to my Nonni for their 60th Anniversary in September 2009. Even though it’s not becoming any easier to reread old work and accepting how young and fast of a writer I’ve always been, finding this reminded me of how incredible it was to witness my grandparents still in love after 60 years. Crazy how much you pine for your family after 4 years of independent wanderings.

****warning: unashamedly sentimental poem coming at you****

Hello little seed,

Look at you blossom.

It’s been a funny beginning; you’ve kept

me hovering above expectant minds.

Finally we make it,

to a momentary point of closure,

(or so we think)

And yet again, the sprouts are growing.

Reaching those at close call,

not forgetting those far away.

Years go on,

the apple’s bursting with flavour.

We see our fruits reach and tumble,

run and settle.

It’s a time of passing (new seconds)

While everything remains fluid, fleeting,

you never seem to drop off.

Incessant support that I can only welcome.

Even if it’s just us, the branch can’t break; we made it.

That life that so many blunder on by.

Building our orchard, watching it multiply.

Years go on

the sun’s but setting,

and despite so much still unknown to us,

there’s one thing that forever lies true:

you’re my core.

4:17pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquV-DJyl
October 19, 2012
humansofnewyork: “I heard that Yoga class was a great place to meet women, so I went every day for three months. Bad news is I didn’t meet a girl. Good news is I can now give myself a blowjob.”

humansofnewyork:

“I heard that Yoga class was a great place to meet women, so I went every day for three months. Bad news is I didn’t meet a girl. Good news is I can now give myself a blowjob.”

11:31am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquVYgCw_
(Notes: 2,049)
  
September 23, 2012
I’m having a sweet cheeeeeep cheep cheep cheep garage sale, come play and browse!!

I’m having a sweet cheeeeeep cheep cheep cheep garage sale, come play and browse!!

2:42pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquTvTGqh
(Notes: 1)
  
September 22, 2012
I found the chant on a Friday night at 3am in the shower scrubbing off the beer and liquor and dirt and nightlife stuck on skin. One universal sound coming from the hollows of your knees to remind you’re only little.

I found the chant on a Friday night at 3am

in the shower scrubbing off the beer and liquor and dirt and nightlife stuck on skin.

One universal sound coming from the hollows of your knees to remind you’re only little.

8:53pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquTrrYJ0
September 7, 2012

The free land.

I’m finally getting around the lesson titled “how to be an adult who isn’t studying”. It’s a slow journey, but I will get there eventually. This afternoon I grappled with “how to make silly videos on photo booth because you miss your m8s”. I hope you all like it, and lets hope I didn’t drop out of drama school to pursue a career as a failed youtube sensation.

5:19pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquSwZaGa
August 16, 2012
Bottoms Up

Re: Withdrawal from Acting 1, 2012

Dearest Staff of NIDA,

I am writing this letter in response to my decision to withdraw from the Acting course this year. This has been an extremely difficult decision to make, however one that I have been thinking about for a good while now.

My three terms here at NIDA have been nothing short of life changing. Due to the nature of the course, the work, the amazing support and teaching, I have come to a realization that I am in a point of my life where I need to return to New York to live with my family. Not only that, I feel that through this absolutely incredible experience, I have admitted to myself that after studying now for 13 years, it is time for a break.

In saying this, I hope to also express the immense knowledge, love and support NIDA has shown me throughout my time here. This decision has nothing to do with the teaching, my beautiful ensemble or the work itself. It is purely due to my realization that at this particular moment in time, I am not ready for full-time actor training.

I truly want to thank each of the teachers and my fellow students for my time here. It has profoundly changed my life, my art and my future. I will never forget the sheer magnitude of experiences that NIDA gave me, and I look forward to keeping in touch with this wonderful world.

My decision is affective from today, as I am returning to Melbourne tomorrow for personal and health reasons. I will be returning in 8 days to begin the move, and look forward to having a good farewell celebration with you all.

Thank you so, so, so much. To each and every one of you, you’ll never know how much you’ve changed me.

Yours Sincerely,

Dara Klein

11:44pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquRXLBiV
August 10, 2012
notes from a child of the wild blue yonder

When I was twenty-two

Patti Smith finally spoke to me those

Lyrics which had always stayed so murky. So unknown.

Mumbles that only the girls and boys at the parties in the darkened rooms

(the darkened rooms that tomorrow would be light again and empty green cans would stain the cream carpet)

I found her where my solitude lay.

Solitude that isn’t exclusive to one single unit

Orbiting in the whirlpool of desires.

Feeling the shame of impossible youth and locked knees melt away.

Her words and mine; on a plane so different and yet so

same

“same

same but different”

that saying goes. Another line whose words I sung without knowing their origins.

I wish sleep would beckon,

But then I picture her.

Her in her room, like mine,

Pissed off, and excited, and poor, and abundantly wealthy with all that matters when the red dust has settled, and the burnt plastic moon hides behind the glass box.

My words suddenly stop. 

The

Pen

Stops.

My breath stops. It calms. 

Dad’s young face comes to the foreground: on a train rolling through New Jersey where the yellowed windows reveal a rolling space beyond the grasp of both you, her, them, me.

Today, I stopped.

We spoke.

Final knowledge always prods you: most profound in its intricate simplicity.

A New England farm that I am yet to see,

Am yet to face.

But in the still calm of a warm night, it lies inside of me. 

1:50am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquR3vgh3
July 19, 2012
There’s nothing like finding old photos of your parents. This is my legend of a Dad in the middle, sitting with some friends while wandering through Greece I believe. Total boss.

There’s nothing like finding old photos of your parents. This is my legend of a Dad in the middle, sitting with some friends while wandering through Greece I believe. Total boss.

11:21pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquPgF9W7
(Notes: 1)
  
July 13, 2012
Michelangelo Antonioni and Jeanne Moreau, on the set of ‘La Notte’, 1961. Oh Jeaaaaanne. She’s the most divine. Today when I was teaching, this little squirt threw a tantrum so I brought him up to the library and went through this “LIFE goes to the movies”. It was this amazing book full of the greats, and we got to a picture of Audrey Hepburn and he goes “Oh, she’s DIVIIIIINE.” Little legend. <3 the classics

Michelangelo Antonioni and Jeanne Moreau, on the set of ‘La Notte’, 1961.

Oh Jeaaaaanne. She’s the most divine. Today when I was teaching, this little squirt threw a tantrum so I brought him up to the library and went through this “LIFE goes to the movies”. It was this amazing book full of the greats, and we got to a picture of Audrey Hepburn and he goes “Oh, she’s DIVIIIIINE.” Little legend. <3 the classics

(via fuckyeahdirectors)

4:57pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/ZjvtquPFyTNu
(Notes: 245)
  
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